jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
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