I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He better not be in your backpack
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
