Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
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at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
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Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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