you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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