he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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