Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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