I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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