As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
