I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
