Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
