Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
