Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
