i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
