how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
