Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
