Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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