I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
