You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
