something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
