HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
