I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
