I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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