one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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