Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
