just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
