hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
