you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
