i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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