btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
