what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
