Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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