Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
