Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
