I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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