I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
