Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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