This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
