you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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