if i can run in heels then i can drive
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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