She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
