Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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