And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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