hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
