Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
50% drunk capacity currently
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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