Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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