I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
