My cat gives me a boner
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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