if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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