ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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