Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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