I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
