I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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