There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
