I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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