Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
