You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize