drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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