It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
