I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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