I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
