She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
