In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
