I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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