his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
