Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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