i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
