It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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