the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
