Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i dont even know how to be here
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
