i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
