please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
