My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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