Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
